Concern, influence, or commitment? A look at Stephen Covey’s “circles”
In Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People he writes about two circles which contain our lives,
the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence.
- Circle of Concern — encompassing all the things we care about; ranges from our personal concerns (health, career, relationships, etc.) to our global concerns (global warming, war, recession, etc.)
- Circle of Influence — includes the things we have the power to affect; this circle is smaller than the Circle of Concern
The book goes on to show its readers how to be proactive and affect change by focusing their energies in their Circle of Influence.
The problems with Covey’s Circles of Concern and Influence
We undercut our power and mistakenly place things outside our Circle of Influence
“The problems all of us face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people’s behavior); or no control (problems we can do nothing about, such as our past, or situational realities).”
~ Stephen R. Covey
We have the tendency to underestimate our capacity to influence life, effectively placing things in our Circle of Concern rather than in our Circle of Influence. For instance, because we can’t (most likely) solve global warming individually, we may abdicate the power we do have saying, “That’s too big of a problem. I’m just one person. I can’t change it.” The truth, however, is that we can take action that does affect global warming, even if it doesn’t eliminate it. Notice where you’re unconsciously giving up your power to affect change by lumping issues into that place “out there” where you think you have no control. Then choose to take whatever actions you can to use your power as effectively as possible.
We fail to focus more intentionally even within our Circle of Influence
“The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out; to be different, and by being different to effect positive change in what’s out there — I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be a more creative, I can be more cooperative.”
~ Stephen R. Covey
The challenge in the Circle of Influence is to focus our energies, efforts, and power for the greatest effect. Even when we admit that we have more potential to influence life, that potential can go unfulfilled when we don’t concentrate sufficiently. Covey writes, “At the very heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises.” I
agree. In fact, I see a third circle that moves as your focus changes. This Circle of Commitment represents the area within your Circle of Influence where you are intentionally putting your time and energy (whether you do so for 10 minutes or the next year). This circle symbolizes the difference between the statements “I can” and “I will.” We each “can” do many things, yet only when we focus “will” we accomplish what we envision. Notice where you are not fully committing to the things you can do. Make conscious choices to follow though on your desires with action.
Your attitude determines your results
Most people seem to think that their problems are someone else’s fault and that creating the life they want for themselves is dependent on other people (or other situations) being different than they are. Such thinking is simply wrong, false, faulty, and disempowering. What we experience in our life is of our own creation. Even when other people are involved, what is created could not come into existence without our involvement.
As a coach, I have the privilege of helping my clients turn around situations they dislike, improve relationships that have weighed them down, and make changes to enhance their lives in numerous ways. One of the first places I start with nearly all of my clients is their mindset, attitude, or outlook. Most people are unaware of the power of their thoughts and the way they talk about the world around them. Somehow, even in this modern day and age, many seem surprised to learn that the results they get in life start out as thoughts, beliefs, and ideas we hold in our mind.
When my clients start using their mental capacity in a more conscious, intentional way, there are miraculous changes that begin taking place (dramatic increases in financial wealth; significant decreases in stress, worry, and physical woes; greater happiness and deeper connections with loved ones; strengthened self-esteem and self-confidence; the list goes on).
Three simple ways to coach yourself to greatness in life
- Observe your thoughts. Listen to your words. Pay attention to your reactions to events and people around you.
- Replace ANY thought, word, or attitude that weighs you down with a thought, word, or attitude that frees you up.
- Tell the truth, yet do so in a way that inspires you (and those around you).
It’s as simple as that to plant the seeds of success. When you change what you plant–your thoughts, beliefs, and attitude–what you grow changes too.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.
~ Buddha
What has happened for you when you’ve shifted your mindset or altered your attitude?
Bye, bye busy — find more time for what matters
“There’s this perception that if you worry a lot and if you look really busy and stressed out then you’ll be more successful. You talk about how little sleep you get and how tensed you are and how you’re not getting the appreciation you deserve and how hard you’re working. You think this is somehow feeding into your success and your career, and that’s just not true. Any success that you have in your career is despite your being all bothered and annoyed and stressed out - not because of it.”
~ Nancy Mayer
Busyness is a common ailment of many of my clients (and friends and family and even something that afflicts me from time to time). In fact, many people experience busyness as a chronic condition. This busyness in turn contributes to other dis-eases:
- stress
- lack of self-awareness
- disconnection from what is personally meaningful
- less than optimal relationships
- poor physical health
How to make time for what matters most to you
If you’re truly ready to give up the frantic rush and create a life where you have more “free” time, you must determine why you like being busy. Yes, you’re busy because you like it, no matter what you say to the contrary. If you weren’t getting some payoff from the busyness, you wouldn’t choose to be busy. So the first step in becoming less busy is to identify why you’re busy now–in other words, find the source(s) of your busyness.
Below are ten common reasons people are living busy lives (personalized so you can read them and see if they ring true for you). Look through the list and identify the top 2-3 sources of your hurry scurry life. Then, start taking steps to eliminate those busyness-inducing-factors from your life (If you need help, consider hiring me as your coach.)
- I have difficulty saying no.
- I have good reasons for not delegating or sharing certain tasks.
- I procrastinate.
- I take on a lot of responsibility.
- I easily get distracted from the task at hand.
- I’m avoiding something/someone by keeping busy.
- I tend to underestimate how much time or effort a project might need.
- I really do function best under pressure.
- I’m an idea person/creative-type/entrepreneur.
- I lack structure or organization.
“I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.”
~ Steven Wright
What’s the number one reason that you’re so busy? Are you ready to start pursuing a less busy life?
Celebrate Independence Day with More Personal Freedom
“Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash.”
~ Harriet Rubin
As we celebrate Independence Day in the United States (July 4), we talk much about our freedoms and the colonists who fought to secure our liberty over 200 years ago. While we are blessed to live in a country without much constraint or imposition on our personal freedom, I believe, nonetheless that many Americans (and many of our brothers and sisters living elsewhere) are less free than they can be.
What is freedom?
For many people, freedom is something they yearn for, expect, and champion as a basic human right. Yet frequently, people abdicate their own power and wait for outside forces or other people to free them. In my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I devote an entire chapter–”Experience More Personal Freedom”–to the subject of how to free oneself and live in a liberated, joyful, powerful way. Last year, I wrote a blog post using material from this chapter.
Experience More Personal Freedom
- Freedom is when we make conscious choices rather than running on autopilot.
- Freedom is being fully responsible for all our choices and the victim of no one and nothing.
- Freedom is choosing our mindset as much as our actions.
- Freedom is being attached to nothing (no result, no person) even though we might fully hope to have/achieve that thing.
As I wrote in Live the Life You’ve Imagined, freedom is our choice, our individual decision. People in deplorable and inhumane situations have shown us this. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, psychotherapist, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, and Nelson Mandela, South African civil rights leader, former president and Nobel Peace Prize recipient, both demonstrated this fact when they chose to be spiritually and mentally liberated despite being physically imprisoned (Frankl in Nazi concentration camps and Mandela in apartheid-era South African prisons).
“Deciding to focus on our own freedom isn’t selfish; it is the greatest gift we can give to humanity.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Whether or not July 4 is officially “independence day” for you or not, I urge you to take a stand for your personal freedom on that day. Then continue your choice to be free every day thereafter.
If you’d like to share stories of your own liberations or challenges with choosing to be free, please drop a comment in below.
Theme song for remodeling your spirit
Ever feel like you need some spring cleaning for your soul? Does it feel like your spunk has been spanked, your energy evaporated, and your creativity cramped? When you’re feeling down, cranky, mopey, or otherwise less then your most ebullient, loving, and playful self, it may be time to do some spiritual cleaning, remodeling, or even a complete renovation.
Of course everyone knows that manual labor can actually feel fun if you’re working to a rhythm, so here’s a recording/video of a little theme song for your spiritual scrub down. It’s from gifted songwriter, singer David LaMotte. It’s called “Crawl Inside” and can be found on his album, Change. Click the play triangle to listen (David tells some stories before beginning the song; audio quality is so so but the song is well worth the listen). The song’s lyrics are below the video. Alternate option — Listen to “Crawl Inside” on David’s MySpace page.
Crawl Inside
Gonna crawl inside your head
Gonna move a few things around
You got your furniture up against the doors
It’s bound to be slowing you down
You’ve been getting in your own way
And that’s a silly thing to do
I’m gonna crawl inside your head
Make it work a little better for you
I’m gonna crawl inside
I’m gonna crawl inside
I’m gonna crawl inside your heart
And bring a whole bunch of paint
From the outside it’s so beautiful
From the inside it just ain’t
And I know this will be hard for you but your graffiti’s got to go
I’m gonna crawl inside your soul
So you can see what we all know
I want to crawl inside your soul
Gonna cook you up a little meal
‘Cause you’ve been feeding yourself this garbage
Makes you feel the way you feel
You got stuff in your refrigerator
That’s way, way overdue
I’m gonna crawl inside your heart
And give you something that’s good for you
I’m gonna crawl inside
I’m gonna crawl inside
And when we’ve got the dishes washed
And soaked the brushes in turpentine
I was wondering if you might have a minute
To help me work on mine
I’m gonna crawl inside
I’m gonna crawl inside
Words and Music by David LaMotte
©2005 Lower Dryad Music/ASCAP
Environmental protection — it’s not just for mother Earth anymore
When we regain our spirituality, we will again learn to laugh from our hearts and play because “those who know how to play can easily leap over the adversaries of life. And one who knows how to sing and laugh never brews mischief.”
~ Angayuqaq Oscar Kawagley with quote from an Iglulik Proverb
In “How Negative Emotions Impact our Moods,” retreat coach Judith Geiger writes about how her African Grey Parrot started becoming irritable and mean after being in a room daily with a TV tuned to cartoons. (And we’re perplexed when kids are cranky and cantankerous after a cartoon binge.) I’m not surprised. In fact, I think that one of the greatest challenges of our times is to create soul-nurturing environments. . . places and spaces in which we’re free of “modern conveniences,” unhooked from our hectic schedules, and allowed–or, more correctly, we allow ourselves–to simply BE.
Is your soul suffocating or soaring?
Most people I know live in hurry-scurry suburbia. They’re deluged by the drone of TVs, radios, and even modern appliances. Conversations and concentration are regularly interrupted by ringing cell phones, vibrating Blackberrys, and instant messages flashing across their computer screens. Rather than having the chance to soak in our surroundings, we’re more often assaulted by the environments in which we’re choosing to live.
Ways to nurture your soul
In the first chapter of my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I write about ways in which you can “awaken your spirit.” Specifically this chapter presents 10 specific strategies for reintroducing spiritually-nurturing energy back into your life. Four ideas which I think are of particular relevance to creating soul-nurturing environments are below.
- Live in healthy environments. Like Judith learned from her parrot, the environments in which we spend our time impact our state of mind and our emotional mood. Begin to notice which environments (places, people, energies) support you and which leave you feeling drained, desparing, depressed, or disconnected. Then start choosing nurturing spaces and eliminating the unhealthy environments from your life.
- Be nurtured by nature. We are animals and we are part of the natural world, even if many of us think of outdoors as “foreign territory.” Put yourself back in nature and take a break from human-made-habitats. Bring more nature into your regular environments (plants, flowers, pictures of beautiful environs, music of birdsong, forest sounds, or ocean waves). Find ways to reconnect yourself with your wild, untamed roots.
- Get quiet. Though I do mean “quiet” in the sense of blocking out outside sources of auditory bombardment, I also am referring to a silencing of the near constant chatter coming from our critical minds. It’s imperative that we find ways to lower the volume of the messages being foisted upon us 24-7, 365, so take the time to learn what methods of silence-making work best for you.
Have a haven. Though I’m fortunate to live and work in a wonderfully nurturing environment, it’s still invaluable to have special places I can go for even more soul satisfaction. Find retreat centers, parks, and cozy bookstore corners where you can go to when you need sanctuary for your soul. Then, once you know the places to go, make sure you make your visits regular respites rather than merely Septennial sojourns.
Remember, if it’s important for a African Grey Parrot to have a healthy environment, it’s good enough for you too! 
Downtime is where we become ourselves, looking into the middle distance, kicking at the curb, lying on the grass or sitting on the stoop and staring at the tedious blue of the summer sky. I don’t believe you can write poetry, or compose music, or become an actor without downtime, and plenty of it, a hiatus that passes for boredom but is really the quiet moving of the wheels inside that fuel creativity.
~ Anna Quindlen
Knowing what to hold on to or let go of
My friend Amit who blogs at The Power of Choice, recently wrote a post about his “holding onto” a negative situation from work even though it had been resolved. I’m confident that like Amit, all of us sometimes rehash or stay stuck with unpleasant memories even though we don’t have to.
Below are my off-the-top-of-my-head/heart thoughts on things to keep and things to release from our lives.
Hold onto these things in your life
- Love – whether real or imagined, loving thoughts and feelings are good for you
- Beliefs that serve you — if a belief gives you more confidence, hope, faith, or courage, that’s got to be positive
- Nurturing memories — perhaps because we all have down times in life, having a storehouse of happy, joyful, or pleasant memories can be beneficial (and fun to remember)
- Childlike wonder — though we get sensible as adults, retaining our ability to be captivated, enchanted, mesmerized, and awe-struck is good for the soul
- Uplifting relationships — people and animals who love us unconditionally and whom we love with all our hearts are irreplaceable, so care for them well
“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human enough hope to make you happy.”
~ Anonymous
Release these things from your life
- Judgment – whether your criticism is for yourself or others, judgment is a separating, soul-stifling act
- Resentment – this emotion only keeps pain fresh and wounds you over and over again
- Guilt – would’ve, could’ve, should’ve can’t turn back time, so make amends when appropriate and forgive yourself (you’re human, remember)
- Fear – though we’re all bound to feel frightened from time to time, build up your muscles of trust and let go of as much fear as you possibly can
- Unworthiness – my experience as a human and coach is that most of us somewhere believe that we are unworthy of love or that we must do something and avoid other things in order to receive love; NOT TRUE. You, me, and everyone else is worthy of love just because that’s the way it is.
If you have other items to add to my lists, drop them in the comments area. May you have a day filled with carrying only those things which uplift you and enliven your soul.
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
~ Mary Manin Morrissey
What’s beautiful in your world today?
One of the great assets of modern humanity is our ability to see problems where they exist because in order to improve things we must be able to identify what does not work. However, one weakness of this habit is that many people are so “problem focused” that they miss seeing what’s already working.
Our state of mind is created by (or at least strongly influenced by) where we put our attention. So, while there are things in our world to improve or change, practice focusing on what’s already wonderful.
Energy flows where attention goes.
~ James Arthur Ray
Today (and for as many days as you want to continue this practice), I invite you to put your attention on the “beautiful” parts of your life and our world . . .
- what works well,
- what functions smoothly,
- what energizes you,
- what satisfies your soul,
- what makes your breath catch in your throat,
- what makes you laugh,
- what brings tears of gratitude to your eyes.
If you are so moved, please share the beauty you see in your world today.
