Leadership that inspires
“Leadership is based on a spiritual quality; the power to inspire, the power to inspire others to follow.”
~ Vince Lombardi
I am so grateful to be alive at this day and time. Born as 1971 drew to a close, I have known history’s greatest leaders only from film, the printed page, or the stories that others tell about these amazing men and women. But now I’m privileged to be living as another remarkable leader takes his early steps.
This man is a leader akin to Gandhi, King, Mandela, Kennedy. He is the fire starter for millions around the US, helping us rekindle our own greatness and inviting us to bring our light to shine for all. Rather than telling us he’s here to take care of our every need, he reminds us that we each have a role in caring for ourselves and others — ours is a country founded “of the people, by the people, for the people.”
Yes, We Can!
Thanks to him we are remembering that we are a community, a country, a civilization. As much as we need this leader, he needs us — our destinies are interconnected, our futures arrived at by collective action. All across America people are reawakening to what IS possible, what CAN be, what WE can do, build, start, complete, provide. Thanks to this man, we are letting go of the false stories, the outmoded ideas, the tainted ways that we’ve been relying on. We know that positive change can occur AND we must take part if we want the change to come.
Join me in this worthy cause. Invest yourself in the future that’s possible. Stand up, make your voice heard, and give your gifts to our common endeavor. We have the power to create a new reality. Unite with millions of your fellow citizens in supporting Barack Obama as he seeks to serve as OUR next president. Learn more online via these links:
- Read about Barack Obama’s history
- Fact check what you see, read, and hear about Barack Obama
- Learn where Obama stands on the issues we all care about
- Find out how YOU can volunteer to help Obama’s presidential campaign
- Listen to Obama’s inspiring, rejuvenating speeches
Our collective tomorrow can be much brighter than today and our brokenness can be mended. With Barack Obama as our leader, we can make this journey…together…now…for good!
“Management is getting people to do what needs to be done. Leadership is getting people to want to do what needs to be done. Managers push. Leaders pull. Managers command. Leaders communicate.”
~ Warren Bennis
Go, Obama, go! Go, people, go! Yes, we can!!
Stop the catalog avalanche
Watching a recent episode of Bill Moyers Journal on PBS, we learned about CatalogChoice.org, an organization helping people who want to extricate themselves from the catalog avalanche that’s buried them and filled their mailboxes to overflowing. Similar to the “Do Not Call” service that prevents you from receiving telephone solicitation calls, CatalogChoice.org helps you reduce the clutter of catalogs crowding out the mail you really want to see in your mailbox.
Benefits of using the free service at CatalogChoice.org
- Reduce mailbox clutter and save time you spend sorting through unwanted mail.
- Help merchants lower their cost of distribution and better target their market. (Who knows, maybe they’ll pass the savings on to their customers.)
- Catalog Choice community collectively promotes the use of best practices in the direct mailing industry.
- Make a huge positive impact on our environment, by reducing energy consumption, carbon emissions, and the destroyed forests that result from the current annual production and discarding of more than 19 billion paper catalogs.
What effect do catalogs have on our environment?
- Over eight million tons of trees are consumed each year in the production of paper catalogs.
- Nearly half of the planet’s original forest cover is gone today. Forests have effectively disappeared in 25 countries, and another 29 have lost more than 90% of their forest cover.
- Deforestation contributes between 20% and 25% of all carbon pollution, causing global climate change.
- More than one billion people living in extreme poverty around the world depend on forests for their livelihoods.
- There are other significant environmental impacts from the catalog cycle. The production and disposal of direct mail alone consumes more energy than three million cars.
- The manufacturing, distribution, collection and disposal of catalogs generates global warming gases as well as air and water pollution. Reducing the number of unwanted catalogs that are mailed will help the environment.
Facts above come directly from CatalogChoice.org website.
Remember, if you’re truly wanting to reduce the amount of junk mail you receive, get your name on the Direct Marketing Association’s Mail Preference Service which can significantly decrease the amount of national advertising mail you receive. You can also opt out of pre-screened credit card and insurance offers by using OptOutPreScreen.com or calling 1-888-567-8688.
When what you know won’t help — the problem with omniscience in relationships
Has your omniscience ever gotten in the way of one of your relationships? I can almost guarantee that it has even if you don’t think so. I’m certain of this because all of us have a God-complex where we “know how things should be.” We don’t know this, of course. At best we know how we want things to be. It’s this all-knowingness that can create barriers in our relationships, walling us off from the people with whom we’re trying to connect.
I was reminded of this concept when I read Pyrrhic Victories, by Jan Matney, in which she wrote, “We begin our conversations with others, having predetermined the relationship, projecting onto 
them what we know to be true. ‘I know’ is an immediate disconnection from others. Not knowing, being curious and open is a state of being that is both humble and alive with possibility.” Her story reawakened me to the fact that sometimes I too, unintentionally create a disconnection from others when I forget that I don’t know. So now I’m doing my best to remember that I do not know what others think, believe, feel, want, or need unless they tell me.
Steps to build relationships from a place of not knowing
- Remind yourself that you do not know what others think, believe, feel, want, or need unless they tell you
- Be open to learning what you don’t know and show your curiosity
- Ask others what they think, believe, feel, want, or need (Or verify what you think they think, believe, feel, want, or need)
- Be willing to share what you think, believe, feel, want, or need because others are no more omniscient than you
“‘I know’ is an immediate disconnection from others. Not knowing, being curious and open is a state of being that is both humble and alive with possibility.”
~ Jan Matney
Inventing yourself anew
“As soon as we succumb to someone else’s definition of who we are, we lose our sense of true self and of our right relation to the world. It makes no difference whether those projections make us the hero or the goat: when we allow others to name us, we lose touch with our own truth and undermine our capacity to cocreate in life-giving ways with ‘the other.’”
~ Parker Palmer in A Hidden Wholeness
I’m a recovering people pleaser. To me what this means is that I’m learning not to take things personally–the “good” or the “bad”–and also to not judge myself (Yes, I worked hard to keep everyone, myself included, happy.). The beneficial part of being a people pleaser is that I’m attuned to the wants and needs of others and I’m considerate of those around me. The main down side is that I often based my “okay-ness” on the opinions of the people around me. One of my transformational goals, therefore, is to stay attuned to others wants and needs without being a slave to them.
Is there part of your way of being in the world that doesn’t serve you? Do you have a behavior or habit that makes it easy for you to stifle the best part of who you are? Rather than completely abandoning your “former ways,” consider how you can adapt them so that they serve you and others simultaneously. Make micro adjustments in your actions until you find the right balance for you and the life you now choose to live.
Are your needs expendable?
Is your plate full? Too full? What do you do when something else gets heaped on top? What do you sacrifice to make room for your new responsibility? Where do you make adjustments so you can do this additional task?
If you’re like many people when they first come to me–achievers with full plates, lots of drive, and a penchant for “doing it all”–you likely do something automatically without even thinking about it. Can you think of what that something is? In case you’re not sure, I’ll remind you. You drop yourself out. Whether this means you choose to get a little less sleep, skip one of your workouts, or stay late at work instead of joining your spouse for dinner, you sacrifice your own needs and even your values just so you can get this new thing done.
I’ve got two questions for you:
- If “dropping yourself out” describes you to a T, what would have to change in order for you to change your ways?
- If you don’t “drop yourself out,” what strategies do you use to ensure that your needs and your responsibilities get fulfilled?
Ways to help ensure that your needs get met
- Know what your needs and wants are. If you don’t know what they are, getting them fulfilled will be much more difficult.
- Ask that your needs and wants get fulfilled. Expecting others to do this without telling them what you want will set you up for disappointment.
- Don’t deny your needs. If your habit is to say “it doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care,” people may stop consulting you altogether. You’re human. You have needs. Admit it.
- Fulfill your own needs. Sometimes we’re on our own, so it’s invaluable to know how to satisfying yourself rather than being dependent on others to “take care of you.”
- Distinguish between your needs and wants. Needs – water, shelter, love, respect — are essential to our physical, mental, and psychological well-being. Without fulfillment of our needs we could die (physically or spiritually). Wants – positively impacting the world, getting the “perfect” color of shoes, fitting into size 2 jeans — are optional. We might ultimately be happier with our wants fulfilled, yet even with unfulfilled wants, our life can still be rich and rewarding.
“The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.”
~ Carol Burnett
Open letter to America
I wrote this “letter to America” back in August of 2005 and have been feeling much of these same sentiments again. I share this letter with you–fellow Americans and fellow world citizens–and invite you to respond. What are you feeling? What most concerns your heart? What are you noticing in your lives and communities? What ideas do you have that could set us on a new course of action? What are you hoping and praying for? What is your vision of a bright future for all?
Dear America,I’m hurting and I think you are too. There was once a time when our brothers and sisters of the world looked upon us with a smile in their eyes and appreciation in their hearts. We, though always bearing human frailties and shortcomings, were compassionate, helpful, and generous with our great gifts. We spoke openly, plainly, and lovingly in conversations—with those whom we understood and those who seemed foreign to us. We reached out our hands to embrace, help, heal—both nearby and far away. We looked for ways to be of service for the largest number, and believed in the abundance of our planet. We took care to share our place at the table, taking only the room that we truly needed for ourselves. This American way reflected the best that is present in each and every one of us, even at this very moment.
I fear that we’ve now lost our hold on that brilliance in our souls. Though still generous, helpful and compassionate, we spend much of our life in ways that bring more darkness to the world than light. Out of our true pain and losses, we’ve scrambled for solace, which seems far away like the pinnacle of a mountain peak at whose base we stand. In this dash to recover our brighter selves we’ve let fear drive us to act in ways that do not become us. We’ve allowed our fellow citizens to commit horrendous acts in our names. We’ve enclosed our hearts in barbed wire and brittle stone and forgotten the pain we tend to inflict when we act out of our anger and fear. We’ve shunned our questioning brothers and sisters and sought company only of those who pat our backs and keep quiet about misgivings they have. We’ve traded our place at the table with others for a spot in the corner that feels more distant by the day.
I want something different for us. I pray for something different. I believe that you too want something different, for I believe that I am both the reaper and sower, both creator and destroyer, both citizen and foreigner, both you and me. We contain both darkness and light and cannot truly separate ourselves from one another. While accepting that I/we will still wound and spread darkness at times, I ask for us all to step boldly backwards from the precipice that we’re approaching. We have tremendous potential as a creative, intuitive, passionate, and wise species. We are needed by our brothers and sisters and our finned, furred, and feathered fellow planetary dwellers. This is a time to reclaim our inner brilliance and let it shine a new path for us to walk. We can lead ourselves from the darkness we’ve been creating.
Have compassion for yourselves and forgive yourself for the unloving acts you’ve done. Open your heart to those who confound you and forgive them for the unloving acts they’ve committed. Create this space of healing to open up in us once again. Let us all come back to the table. And let all humanity work together to heal the wounds we’ve inflicted and received.
Shonnie Lavender
(originally written and shared via email on August 24, 2005)
Increase your resiliency
“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”
~ Japanese Proverb
Yesterday I had just left my house, heading for the gym, when I fell off my bike, landing hard, mostly on my chin and left knee. I got up slowly, gently touching my bleeding chin and surveying the rest of the damage. I then walked back home to put ice on my injuries and nurse my wounds. Upon recounting the incident to my husband after he returned from an injury-free bike ride to and from the gym, he said, “That’s one of the things I love about you, that you’re tough like that.” I felt very touched. He was right, of course. I’ve had my share of physical bumps and scrapes as well as plenty of emotional cuts and bruises, yet I’ve always found a way to recover, usually stronger than I was in the first place.
Life is full of injuries and incidents, so avoiding pain isn’t an option. What we can do, however, is be resilient–spiritually strong–so that we bounce back whenever we take a fall, rebounding to fully enjoy the pain-free moments life abundantly offers.
How to bounce back from life’s setbacks
Choose not to suffer. At some level, I think many of us like to suffer occasionally. It evokes sympathy in others and can be a great excuse if we’re needing one. Suffering makes us brittle–susceptible to more injuries in the future. Feel the pain (physical or emotional), cry, wail, moan, curse, lament your situation. Be your wounded self 100%, no holding back. Get all that emotion out. Then, take a deep breath (or 20), and move on, whether that means cleaning your wounds, icing an injury, or nurturing your bruised ego or soul. Feel the pain then let it go so you can be free.- Be with other resilient people. I’ve found it much easier to develop my strength when I’m around other strong people. They’re role models and can be great sources of insight and information as I seek to cultivate similar strengths. When I see them bounce back, I’m inspired to respond to my own troubles in like fashion. I also get to inspire them when they see me rebound from some letdown in my life. It’s a mutually-supportive relationship.
- Focus more on the “good” in life. When we view life as mainly problems with a few good times thrown in, it’s easy to stay down when we fall. Instead, when you choose to believe that life’s positive moments far out-number the negative ones, it’s more likely that you’ll view a down time as a temporary situation. Mentally you already set yourself up for the rebound.
- Fall lightly. Okay, easier said than done when your fall is divorce, disease, or some other personal disaster. How we perceive our “injury” points us toward either quicker rebound or longer recovery. If we have the attitude that “this is the end of life as I know it,” chances are that statement will become true for us. On the other hand, if we remind ourselves, “this is bad, yet I’ll get through it,” or “wow, that hurt, I’ll pay better attention next time,” it’s easier to swing up toward recovery because our attitude is lighter. Humor can be a great tool to use when you want to rebound quickly.
“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.”
~ Bern Williams
What do you do that keeps you resilient to life’s bumps and bruises?
Are you too responsible?
Most of the coaching clients I’ve worked with have one of two challenges with responsibility. See which of these choices mirrors the way you do your life.
- They make others responsible for their own well being. I recognize these clients because they say things like, “She made me so angry,” or “He likes to hurt my feelings.”
- They believe that they are responsible for others’ well being. These clients highlight this belief with such phrases as, “I don’t want to hurt her feelings,” or “I have to be careful of what I say around him otherwise he’ll get mad.”
Either choice actually does a disservice to all parties involved. The first paints us as the victim and another person as our attacker/adversary. The second burdens us with being “at fault” for whatever happens. Stop taking either extreme. Instead, own responsibility for your life and all your choices–everything you choose to think, feel, say, and do; AND stop taking responsibility for others’ lives and all their choices–everything they choose to think, feel, say, and do.
“Learning to assume total responsibility for your life is no small task. Keep reminding yourself that you are it. No one else is responsible for your happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, competence, health, or life situation but you.”
~ Kevin Cashman“In the end, the only person who can be the boss of anyone is himself or herself.”
~ Betty Healey
