Are you about the “walk” or the “talk”?
Monday, May 26, 2008 was Memorial Day here in the US. It’s a day set aside to pay tribute to those who have died while in military service to this country. Like many such holidays in our nation, much of the original meaning has been lost, however, and most of us (myself included) think of it primarily as a day off of work. Fortunately for me, I recently woke up–not just intellectually, but all of me, heart, mind, and spirit–to how unappreciative I have been to those serving in our armed forces.
Wake Up Call
Mark Shields, columnist, commentator, and former Marine spoke with forceful elegance about what WE–yes, I mean all US citizens, not just the president or congress–have created for our soldiers and ourselves. Here are Mark Shields potent words (emphasis mine):
“…we went to war against a country that had never attacked us, that never threatened us, on the bogus claim that that country had weapons of mass destruction which were a threat to us.
And it was not a moral war, and it was not a just war. It was a war in which the United States sullied, stained and repealed one of the great American values, that is that, in wartime, war demands equality of sacrifice.
All the sacrifice in this war has been borne by the 1 percent of Americans who are in uniform and their families. The rest of us have been quietly by, especially those of us who opposed the war, and been moral defectors.
We haven’t protested the fact that this is a war that our children and grandchildren will pay for. We haven’t even — we’ve blithely accepted tax cuts, and no draft, and no burden, paid no price, bore no burden, and accepted leadership that demanded nothing of us, and we’ve demanded nothing of them.”
When I heard these words, they stung. I knew Shields was right. Sure I have been to Washington to march protesting the war. Sure I have written to my elected representatives asking them to come to their senses and stop this insanity. Sure I have sent care packages and prayers to my Army officer family member now serving his 2nd tour in Iraq. Sure I have been working to get Barack Obama elected as president to help bring our country back from this moral abyss.
At the same time, however, I know that I truly suffer no hardship on a day-to-day basis. Unlike past wars when Americans planted Victory Gardens, rationed goods, held drives to recycle materials necessary for munitions manufacturing, bought war stamps or war bonds, this “war on terror” requires only that civilians stay scared and go shopping. Our “sacrifice” is our peace of mind and our credit score. By contrast, our military families pay with years of lost family time, jobs that get taken away in their absence, 
psychological or physical wounds they bring back home, and more.
Actions to Support the Troops
So, while I can’t single-handedly bring our troops home, nor solve the pain they bear, I can put my money where my mouth is (literally). Of course, so can you. Below are ways you can support our troops with more than slogans, prayers, or a fleeting thought. If you know of other organizations that are helping soldiers and their families, please put a link in the comments area.
- America Supports You — lists numerous ways to offer support to troops (includes financial assistance, care packages, family member support, scholarships, support for wounded)
- SoldiersAngels — offers a variety of ways to support soldiers during and after deployment
- Forgotten Soldiers Outreach — allows you to write to soldiers or send them care packages
- AnySoldier — gives you contact info for deployed troops along with their specific requests for care packages
A soldier in Iraq can’t see your ribbon,
Or the flag at your front door.
But a letter they hold in their hands,
To them means so much more.~ Supporter Liam Sweeny (from Any Soldier website)
Regaining your faith — with one ride on the Internet’s waves
Have you ever felt funky, been blue, or worried whether we’d all make it ’til tomorrow? I know I have. Now, I’m fortunate that I have lots of ways to levitate myself out of the spiritual lowlands. In case you’re looking for a new mood booster or method of spiritual rejuvination, I wanted to share a brief story from my life.
I wasn’t feeling hopeless. In fact, I’d just had a fantastic week–started new work, took the GRE for entry to graduate school, heard some awesome music on the radio (How Glad I Am by The Greyboy All Stars). Nonetheless, I was delightfully surprised to take an inspiring, hope-inducing surf of the net just because I was unsubscribing to a mailing list.
That goal of unsubscribing from a email list took me to the great social networking site, Zaadz.com. While going about my business, an ad for “WePluribus — We the people. No exceptions.” caught my eye. Cool people making conversation-starting t-shirts in an eco-friendly way. From the main WePluribus page I went to their blog where I read about Bishop Carlton Pearson (a man with an amazing life- and faith-changing story; I’ve heard his story on This American Life before–phenomenal!) and found out about an organization called Common Tables whose objective is to “establish 750,000 small dinner groups that overcome barriers, misconceptions, and fear-based thinking about diversity and inclusion to recognize one single truth – we have much more in common than we do in difference.”
Now I hadn’t intended to find any of these sites except Zaadz, but that’s what happened. And because it happened I found out about some really great folks doing good work in our world and I got an unexpected “happiness and hopefulness booster.” So I share this story for to remind us all of two things.
- There is ALWAYS and in all-ways some great stuff happening in this world.
- Being open to taking a path you hadn’t intended to follow can lead you right to the good stuff.
The transformative power of gratitude, thankfulness and appreciation
Gratitude is something I consciously bring into my life on a daily basis. At the evening meal, my husband, Bruce, and I express gratitude for one or more things that happened or simply were during the day. Some days our words of thanks flow easily from hearts filled to the brim with appreciation. Other days we might really have to think about what we actually feel grateful for. Regardless of how easy or hard it is for us to identify that for which we are thankful, we have maintained this practice for over 5 years.
How gratitude has changed my life
People who know me would have said that I’ve always been a grateful person. This is true. Actively choosing to identify and name that for which I am grateful, however, has, in itself, been a blessing in my life.
- Gratitude makes even the toughest days easier. To me, practicing gratitude is like standing in the dark woods with the flame of a candle the only light and saying, “wow, look at that light” rather than, “man, it’s dark out here.”
- Gratitude reminds me of how rich and blessed I truly am. In American culture, we’re bombarded with messages that tell us to think we need more stuff or better stuff to be truly happy. The truth is, I’m happy and blessed regardless of the amount or quality of stuff in my life.
- Gratitude opens my heart with compassion. When I am conscious of how blessed I am, I also realize that there are people throughout our world who do truly suffer. I tend to then take action to do what I can to help ease that suffering, so they too can feel grateful for their lives.
- Gratitude makes me more grateful. Like an ascending spiral staircase, feeling grateful for one thing often triggers gratitude for another which reminds me of yet another thing for which I am thankful. Taking that first act of noticing opens my eyes to other blessings which I might have missed if not for that initial choice to see with thankful eyes.
- Gratitude simplifies my life. Like many people, I sometimes get caught in the tsunami that is modern culture. By practicing gratitude, I become aware of how little I truly need to be happy, healthy, and fully alive. Gratitude slows me down and kindles peace in my heart and mind.
- Gratitude makes me attractive. My gratitude practice makes my inner light shine brighter and others (people, animals, energy) are drawn to me to bask in that glow. It’s like being your own generator of positive, life-affirming energy when you consciously choose gratitude.
I would be grateful to know about your experience with gratitude. How has it changed your life? What keeps you from feeling grateful? What most profoundly evokes your gratitude? Please use the “comments” area to share or trackback to this post from your site.
Gratitude Quotes
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. . . . Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~ Melody Beattie“I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy.”
~ Anne Frank“It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good.”
~ C.S. Lewis“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.”
~ Mary Jean Iron
Open letter to America
I wrote this “letter to America” back in August of 2005 and have been feeling much of these same sentiments again. I share this letter with you–fellow Americans and fellow world citizens–and invite you to respond. What are you feeling? What most concerns your heart? What are you noticing in your lives and communities? What ideas do you have that could set us on a new course of action? What are you hoping and praying for? What is your vision of a bright future for all?
Dear America,I’m hurting and I think you are too. There was once a time when our brothers and sisters of the world looked upon us with a smile in their eyes and appreciation in their hearts. We, though always bearing human frailties and shortcomings, were compassionate, helpful, and generous with our great gifts. We spoke openly, plainly, and lovingly in conversations—with those whom we understood and those who seemed foreign to us. We reached out our hands to embrace, help, heal—both nearby and far away. We looked for ways to be of service for the largest number, and believed in the abundance of our planet. We took care to share our place at the table, taking only the room that we truly needed for ourselves. This American way reflected the best that is present in each and every one of us, even at this very moment.
I fear that we’ve now lost our hold on that brilliance in our souls. Though still generous, helpful and compassionate, we spend much of our life in ways that bring more darkness to the world than light. Out of our true pain and losses, we’ve scrambled for solace, which seems far away like the pinnacle of a mountain peak at whose base we stand. In this dash to recover our brighter selves we’ve let fear drive us to act in ways that do not become us. We’ve allowed our fellow citizens to commit horrendous acts in our names. We’ve enclosed our hearts in barbed wire and brittle stone and forgotten the pain we tend to inflict when we act out of our anger and fear. We’ve shunned our questioning brothers and sisters and sought company only of those who pat our backs and keep quiet about misgivings they have. We’ve traded our place at the table with others for a spot in the corner that feels more distant by the day.
I want something different for us. I pray for something different. I believe that you too want something different, for I believe that I am both the reaper and sower, both creator and destroyer, both citizen and foreigner, both you and me. We contain both darkness and light and cannot truly separate ourselves from one another. While accepting that I/we will still wound and spread darkness at times, I ask for us all to step boldly backwards from the precipice that we’re approaching. We have tremendous potential as a creative, intuitive, passionate, and wise species. We are needed by our brothers and sisters and our finned, furred, and feathered fellow planetary dwellers. This is a time to reclaim our inner brilliance and let it shine a new path for us to walk. We can lead ourselves from the darkness we’ve been creating.
Have compassion for yourselves and forgive yourself for the unloving acts you’ve done. Open your heart to those who confound you and forgive them for the unloving acts they’ve committed. Create this space of healing to open up in us once again. Let us all come back to the table. And let all humanity work together to heal the wounds we’ve inflicted and received.
Shonnie Lavender
(originally written and shared via email on August 24, 2005)
Spiritual Cinema Circle — The best movies you’ll ever see
Since 2004, Bruce (my husband) and I have seen some of the most heart-warming, funny, inspiring, thought-provoking, interesting, unusual, meaningful, and magical movies. The films include features, documentaries and shorts. Some are animated, most are live action. Many films are from foreign countries. All of them are independent and unique.
We’ve seen these amazing films through our membership in the Spiritual Cinema Circle, a DVD club that specializes in uplifting and inspiring films. These are movies for people who want cinema that opens their heart, expands their mind and stirs their soul!
Each month, members pay $21 plus shipping and receive 4 films on DVD. The DVDs are yours to keep so you’ll get to build a library of inspiring films (this is one of my favorite parts of membership because then we can share our favorite films with others). Members of the Circle also get access to members-only teleconferences with amazing people such as Marianne Williamson, Neale Donald Walsch, Deepak Chopra, James Ray, and more!
The Spiritual Cinema Circle (SCC) generally offers a special trial membership deal (you often pay just the shipping for that month), so you can check it out risk-free (you may cancel at any time and for any reason).
“I love movies, but the movies I get from Spiritual Cinema Circle love me.”
~ Gary Zukav
Spiritual Cinema Circle Films for September 2007
Believe In Me (feature film)
A young man dreams of being an important basketball coach until he is forced to take a job as the coach of an all-girls team. Though he fears his short career will come to an end, what actually happens is nothing short of a miracle. The joy, tears and friendships captured in this wonderful film remind us how important it is to put our faith in a higher plan. This is a film for the whole family!
7 Days With 7 Dogs (short film)
Two of SCC’s original filmmakers spend a week taking their furry friends from one beautiful doggy heaven to another. This short documentary reveals the joy that comes from giving something wonderful to others.
5 Wishes; The Conversation (short film)
This insightful film probes the depths of what it takes to find peace and comfort within ourselves and our relationships, while opening a door to new possibility.
Now You See Me, Now You Don’t (short film)
This intense, award-winning film from Hungary conveys its powerful message through suspense and chilling action. A simple story unfolds to reveal healing in many forms.
See previews of these films by visiting the Spiritual Cinema Circle’s Preview page. Click on the month of September for the films described above, or watch any previews that interest you.
Earn money with the Spiritual Cinema Circle
Another great thing you can do if you find that you are a huge spiritual cinema circle fan, is join their affiliate program. This allows you to earn money for people you refer to become members. You can find out more about the SCC affiliate program using the link below.
All the links above do connect to our affiliate account and potentially earn us money. If you prefer, you can visit the Spiritual Cinema Circle directly at spiritualcinemacircle.com.
“I love from Spiritual Cinema Circle because every month a DVD with entertainment that is right in line with my spiritual approach to life arrives in the mail. I’m always so excited as I know I’ll appreciate what I see.”
~ india.arie
Are you too responsible?
Most of the coaching clients I’ve worked with have one of two challenges with responsibility. See which of these choices mirrors the way you do your life.
- They make others responsible for their own well being. I recognize these clients because they say things like, “She made me so angry,” or “He likes to hurt my feelings.”
- They believe that they are responsible for others’ well being. These clients highlight this belief with such phrases as, “I don’t want to hurt her feelings,” or “I have to be careful of what I say around him otherwise he’ll get mad.”
Either choice actually does a disservice to all parties involved. The first paints us as the victim and another person as our attacker/adversary. The second burdens us with being “at fault” for whatever happens. Stop taking either extreme. Instead, own responsibility for your life and all your choices–everything you choose to think, feel, say, and do; AND stop taking responsibility for others’ lives and all their choices–everything they choose to think, feel, say, and do.
“Learning to assume total responsibility for your life is no small task. Keep reminding yourself that you are it. No one else is responsible for your happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, competence, health, or life situation but you.”
~ Kevin Cashman“In the end, the only person who can be the boss of anyone is himself or herself.”
~ Betty Healey
Things we do for love
“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”
~ Henry Drummond
This post is about love, not between two romantic lovers but between a mother and daughter—my mother and me. (I published it on I Do! I Do! on July 14, yet wanted to share it with readers of the Lavender Log too.)
When my mom was struggling with breast cancer, her doctors implanted a device in her upper chest where some of her drugs could be injected after the veins in her arms and hands had became too difficult and painful to access. Unfortunately the area became infected and the device had to be removed, which left an open wound. To heal, the wound required a thorough daily cleaning. I asked the home health nurse to show me how to care for the wound so I could help my mom restore health to at least that one thing.Love compelled me to do that. Love willed me through my fear, past my sadness, and into my compassion. Love guided me to face my pain to help soothe my mom’s. Love didn’t necessarily make that task any easier, but it did allow me to take the first step.Love also helped me do other things that I had never conceived of:
- Rushing across the Dallas metroplex between my double shifts as a waitress to be with my mom during her multiple stays in the hospital in the first couple of months after her diagnosis;
- Bathing my mom and changing her diapers when her cancer progressed so much that she could no longer care for herself or even leave the hospital bed we had at home;
- Holding her unresponsive hands and caressing her motionless face while I laid alongside her dead body in the Dallas hospital where she spent her last days;
- Reading a poem I’d written about her at her memorial service in front of hundreds of family, friends, and others who loved her.
Had love not possessed me during her illness and death, I could have never done such delicate, difficult, and sometimes seemingly ineffective tasks.
Of course, love had gotten my mom through trials and suffering too, as is the case for all parents. Whether she was worried sick when I got Chicken Pox at the age of four, or exasperated when I threw the tantrum to end all tantrums, I’m sure love guided her. When I did things she didn’t understand or condone, love may have helped her come closer instead of pulling away. Love, I’m certain, had to be accessed regularly once I reached my teen years when so often kids and parents lock horns or build walls between each other. Love may have even given her the courage to be so vulnerable to me during her last six months of life.
“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.”
~ Mother Teresa
July 2 was the 14th anniversary of my mom’s death. July 14 is her birthday. It’s been so long that I don’t really remember her voice, and though I don’t consciously think about her everyday, love helps me stay connected. Through memory of our shared life experience, I get to be with my mom in spirit. As those of you who’ve lost someone you deeply love know, there are times when you miss that person so much that you weep uncontrollably, overcome by your loss and filled with hopelessness. Writing this piece is opening me up to that pain anew. But love helps me ride those waves of despair and emerge whole, despite my scars.
Thank God that love does all it does for us. It’s the superhuman gift we’ve each been given — a superpower possessed by all mortals. Without love I’m quite certain that there would be no point to life, no reason to exist at all. So while loving someone with all your heart makes you extremely vulnerable, love will also mend the heart’s wounds, leaving you both more tender and more tough in the process. May each and every one of you do scary, difficult, gentle, powerful, and important things for love. And may your beloveds do likewise for you. Your lives will never be the same. . .and that’s a wonderful thing.
For all of my beloveds, especially today for my mom, born Cora Sue Boehm, on July 14, 1943.
Environmental protection — it’s not just for mother Earth anymore
When we regain our spirituality, we will again learn to laugh from our hearts and play because “those who know how to play can easily leap over the adversaries of life. And one who knows how to sing and laugh never brews mischief.”
~ Angayuqaq Oscar Kawagley with quote from an Iglulik Proverb
In “How Negative Emotions Impact our Moods,” retreat coach Judith Geiger writes about how her African Grey Parrot started becoming irritable and mean after being in a room daily with a TV tuned to cartoons. (And we’re perplexed when kids are cranky and cantankerous after a cartoon binge.) I’m not surprised. In fact, I think that one of the greatest challenges of our times is to create soul-nurturing environments. . . places and spaces in which we’re free of “modern conveniences,” unhooked from our hectic schedules, and allowed–or, more correctly, we allow ourselves–to simply BE.
Is your soul suffocating or soaring?
Most people I know live in hurry-scurry suburbia. They’re deluged by the drone of TVs, radios, and even modern appliances. Conversations and concentration are regularly interrupted by ringing cell phones, vibrating Blackberrys, and instant messages flashing across their computer screens. Rather than having the chance to soak in our surroundings, we’re more often assaulted by the environments in which we’re choosing to live.
Ways to nurture your soul
In the first chapter of my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I write about ways in which you can “awaken your spirit.” Specifically this chapter presents 10 specific strategies for reintroducing spiritually-nurturing energy back into your life. Four ideas which I think are of particular relevance to creating soul-nurturing environments are below.
- Live in healthy environments. Like Judith learned from her parrot, the environments in which we spend our time impact our state of mind and our emotional mood. Begin to notice which environments (places, people, energies) support you and which leave you feeling drained, desparing, depressed, or disconnected. Then start choosing nurturing spaces and eliminating the unhealthy environments from your life.
- Be nurtured by nature. We are animals and we are part of the natural world, even if many of us think of outdoors as “foreign territory.” Put yourself back in nature and take a break from human-made-habitats. Bring more nature into your regular environments (plants, flowers, pictures of beautiful environs, music of birdsong, forest sounds, or ocean waves). Find ways to reconnect yourself with your wild, untamed roots.
- Get quiet. Though I do mean “quiet” in the sense of blocking out outside sources of auditory bombardment, I also am referring to a silencing of the near constant chatter coming from our critical minds. It’s imperative that we find ways to lower the volume of the messages being foisted upon us 24-7, 365, so take the time to learn what methods of silence-making work best for you.
Have a haven. Though I’m fortunate to live and work in a wonderfully nurturing environment, it’s still invaluable to have special places I can go for even more soul satisfaction. Find retreat centers, parks, and cozy bookstore corners where you can go to when you need sanctuary for your soul. Then, once you know the places to go, make sure you make your visits regular respites rather than merely Septennial sojourns.
Remember, if it’s important for a African Grey Parrot to have a healthy environment, it’s good enough for you too! 
Downtime is where we become ourselves, looking into the middle distance, kicking at the curb, lying on the grass or sitting on the stoop and staring at the tedious blue of the summer sky. I don’t believe you can write poetry, or compose music, or become an actor without downtime, and plenty of it, a hiatus that passes for boredom but is really the quiet moving of the wheels inside that fuel creativity.
~ Anna Quindlen
