It’s time to move off the fence
“I must do something” always solves more problems than “Something must be done.”
~ Author Unknown
Overwhelm. Powerlessness. Fear. Confusion. Busyness. What’s the excuse you give most often for sitting on the fence of life, waiting for things to change? ALL of us do it. Though our hearts call us to act, we restrain ourselves, then tell stories to justify our inaction.
There are two primary problems with doing our lives this way.
- The cries for help go unanswered. Situations get worse (Rwanda, Bosnia, Darfur) or things are destroyed all together (New Orleans, animal species, West Virginia mountain tops).
- We lose our souls. Our lives lose meaning because we’re not doing what we know in our hearts to be the right things to do.
Are there potentially millions of causes that need our attention? YES!
Is it easy to sometimes thing we’re too insignificant to change the tide? YES!
Does it seem that we might lose convenience or comfort if we work for peace/justice/transformation? YES!
Do we sometimes receive contradictory messages or lose our way? YES!
Are we sometimes too preoccupied with our individual issues to notice what’s happening around us? YES!
Do any of these reasons mean that sitting on the fence is where we should be? Hell NO!
I urge each and every one of you to notice the fence you’re currently sitting on, and GET OFF! Start with that one action of choosing to fence-sit no longer. Then take the next action — writing a letter, getting the facts about an issue you care about, joining a group working for change. One step at a time away from the fence and toward a better future for us all!
Enjoy this song from Madonna, “Hey You!” It’s the theme for the Live Earth Concerts taking place on every continent today, 07/07/07. It’s an anthem for living your life OFF the fence — there’s a million reasons why, and there’s no time to waste.
Celebrate Independence Day with More Personal Freedom
“Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash.”
~ Harriet Rubin
As we celebrate Independence Day in the United States (July 4), we talk much about our freedoms and the colonists who fought to secure our liberty over 200 years ago. While we are blessed to live in a country without much constraint or imposition on our personal freedom, I believe, nonetheless that many Americans (and many of our brothers and sisters living elsewhere) are less free than they can be.
What is freedom?
For many people, freedom is something they yearn for, expect, and champion as a basic human right. Yet frequently, people abdicate their own power and wait for outside forces or other people to free them. In my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I devote an entire chapter–”Experience More Personal Freedom”–to the subject of how to free oneself and live in a liberated, joyful, powerful way. Last year, I wrote a blog post using material from this chapter.
Experience More Personal Freedom
- Freedom is when we make conscious choices rather than running on autopilot.
- Freedom is being fully responsible for all our choices and the victim of no one and nothing.
- Freedom is choosing our mindset as much as our actions.
- Freedom is being attached to nothing (no result, no person) even though we might fully hope to have/achieve that thing.
As I wrote in Live the Life You’ve Imagined, freedom is our choice, our individual decision. People in deplorable and inhumane situations have shown us this. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, psychotherapist, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, and Nelson Mandela, South African civil rights leader, former president and Nobel Peace Prize recipient, both demonstrated this fact when they chose to be spiritually and mentally liberated despite being physically imprisoned (Frankl in Nazi concentration camps and Mandela in apartheid-era South African prisons).
“Deciding to focus on our own freedom isn’t selfish; it is the greatest gift we can give to humanity.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Whether or not July 4 is officially “independence day” for you or not, I urge you to take a stand for your personal freedom on that day. Then continue your choice to be free every day thereafter.
If you’d like to share stories of your own liberations or challenges with choosing to be free, please drop a comment in below.
Multitasking destroys more than it accomplishes
“We can do fifty things at once and ’save time,’ but is multitasking mania really an effective long-term survival response? As I stand in my kitchen in the midst of chaos, can I hear the fear in my mother’s voice when she expresses concerns about paying for her heating bill? Can I read my client’s e-mail well enough to recognize the faulty logic he’s applied to the new project? Can I sense my teenager’s anxiety about going to a late-night party where peer pressure is dangerously intense? I can see what I’ve accomplished on my to-do-list, but can I see what I’m missing in my overstimulated state?
~Mary LoVerde, in I Used to Have a Handle on Life But It Broke
I am confident in my belief that most of us will multitask some, no matter how many times we’re told it’s not good or effective. We’ve conditioned ourselves–or we’ve been culturally conditioned–to think that doing just one thing at a time is old-fashioned and unproductive. However, I am simultaneously hopeful that many of us will also take significant steps to rein in our habits of doing many things at once because it’s not what creates the quality of life for which most of us yearn.
Multitasking robs us of the precious moments of our lives because we’re not present in the moment when we’re doing more than one thing at a time. No one ever thinks to themselves, “Man, I bet I would enjoy love-making more if I could watch my favorite TV show at the same time,” or “It would be much more rewarding to pay bills while eating dinner with my kids.” The reason we don’t say those things is because we know that multitasking keeps us from truly experiencing the moment we’re in. . .and that it prevents us from truly connecting with those sharing the moments with us.
“Conducting a symphony while using a Blackberry will result in doing both poorly. Nothing worthwhile can be done well while simultaneously conducting another task. Thus, whenever we multitask, we are choosing to be mediocre.”
~ Lance Secretan, Multitasking and the Decline of Brilliance
So, I encourage you–and remind myself–to get off the multitasking mule train and reclaim your power to be deliberate and focused. Be proud of your ability to do one thing at a time with love, attention, intention, and steadfastness. You’ll still get plenty done. . .and you’ll notice plenty of payoffs that multitaskers only dream of.
Environmental protection — it’s not just for mother Earth anymore
When we regain our spirituality, we will again learn to laugh from our hearts and play because “those who know how to play can easily leap over the adversaries of life. And one who knows how to sing and laugh never brews mischief.”
~ Angayuqaq Oscar Kawagley with quote from an Iglulik Proverb
In “How Negative Emotions Impact our Moods,” retreat coach Judith Geiger writes about how her African Grey Parrot started becoming irritable and mean after being in a room daily with a TV tuned to cartoons. (And we’re perplexed when kids are cranky and cantankerous after a cartoon binge.) I’m not surprised. In fact, I think that one of the greatest challenges of our times is to create soul-nurturing environments. . . places and spaces in which we’re free of “modern conveniences,” unhooked from our hectic schedules, and allowed–or, more correctly, we allow ourselves–to simply BE.
Is your soul suffocating or soaring?
Most people I know live in hurry-scurry suburbia. They’re deluged by the drone of TVs, radios, and even modern appliances. Conversations and concentration are regularly interrupted by ringing cell phones, vibrating Blackberrys, and instant messages flashing across their computer screens. Rather than having the chance to soak in our surroundings, we’re more often assaulted by the environments in which we’re choosing to live.
Ways to nurture your soul
In the first chapter of my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I write about ways in which you can “awaken your spirit.” Specifically this chapter presents 10 specific strategies for reintroducing spiritually-nurturing energy back into your life. Four ideas which I think are of particular relevance to creating soul-nurturing environments are below.
- Live in healthy environments. Like Judith learned from her parrot, the environments in which we spend our time impact our state of mind and our emotional mood. Begin to notice which environments (places, people, energies) support you and which leave you feeling drained, desparing, depressed, or disconnected. Then start choosing nurturing spaces and eliminating the unhealthy environments from your life.
- Be nurtured by nature. We are animals and we are part of the natural world, even if many of us think of outdoors as “foreign territory.” Put yourself back in nature and take a break from human-made-habitats. Bring more nature into your regular environments (plants, flowers, pictures of beautiful environs, music of birdsong, forest sounds, or ocean waves). Find ways to reconnect yourself with your wild, untamed roots.
- Get quiet. Though I do mean “quiet” in the sense of blocking out outside sources of auditory bombardment, I also am referring to a silencing of the near constant chatter coming from our critical minds. It’s imperative that we find ways to lower the volume of the messages being foisted upon us 24-7, 365, so take the time to learn what methods of silence-making work best for you.
Have a haven. Though I’m fortunate to live and work in a wonderfully nurturing environment, it’s still invaluable to have special places I can go for even more soul satisfaction. Find retreat centers, parks, and cozy bookstore corners where you can go to when you need sanctuary for your soul. Then, once you know the places to go, make sure you make your visits regular respites rather than merely Septennial sojourns.
Remember, if it’s important for a African Grey Parrot to have a healthy environment, it’s good enough for you too! 
Downtime is where we become ourselves, looking into the middle distance, kicking at the curb, lying on the grass or sitting on the stoop and staring at the tedious blue of the summer sky. I don’t believe you can write poetry, or compose music, or become an actor without downtime, and plenty of it, a hiatus that passes for boredom but is really the quiet moving of the wheels inside that fuel creativity.
~ Anna Quindlen
Knowing what to hold on to or let go of
My friend Amit who blogs at The Power of Choice, recently wrote a post about his “holding onto” a negative situation from work even though it had been resolved. I’m confident that like Amit, all of us sometimes rehash or stay stuck with unpleasant memories even though we don’t have to.
Below are my off-the-top-of-my-head/heart thoughts on things to keep and things to release from our lives.
Hold onto these things in your life
- Love – whether real or imagined, loving thoughts and feelings are good for you
- Beliefs that serve you — if a belief gives you more confidence, hope, faith, or courage, that’s got to be positive
- Nurturing memories — perhaps because we all have down times in life, having a storehouse of happy, joyful, or pleasant memories can be beneficial (and fun to remember)
- Childlike wonder — though we get sensible as adults, retaining our ability to be captivated, enchanted, mesmerized, and awe-struck is good for the soul
- Uplifting relationships — people and animals who love us unconditionally and whom we love with all our hearts are irreplaceable, so care for them well
“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human enough hope to make you happy.”
~ Anonymous
Release these things from your life
- Judgment – whether your criticism is for yourself or others, judgment is a separating, soul-stifling act
- Resentment – this emotion only keeps pain fresh and wounds you over and over again
- Guilt – would’ve, could’ve, should’ve can’t turn back time, so make amends when appropriate and forgive yourself (you’re human, remember)
- Fear – though we’re all bound to feel frightened from time to time, build up your muscles of trust and let go of as much fear as you possibly can
- Unworthiness – my experience as a human and coach is that most of us somewhere believe that we are unworthy of love or that we must do something and avoid other things in order to receive love; NOT TRUE. You, me, and everyone else is worthy of love just because that’s the way it is.
If you have other items to add to my lists, drop them in the comments area. May you have a day filled with carrying only those things which uplift you and enliven your soul.
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
~ Mary Manin Morrissey
Do you help, fix, or serve?
“If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time. If you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
~ Lilla Watson, an Aboriginal Australian
If you’re like me, you have a noble picture of the “helping professions”–medicine, education, social services, mental health, non-profit or government aid. Selfless individuals who are there to help people in times of need. And, while I still have great admiration for people in these roles, I now see a difference in how these care givers behave. The ones whom I most respect are those who act out of service.
The differences between helping, fixing, and serving
While distinguishing between “serving” and “helping” might seem inconsequential on the surface, the effects each produce are often quite dissimilar as can be understood in a writing from author Rachel Naomi Remen, called, “In the Service of Life” (PDF). Below is a quote from Ms. Remen’s piece that eloquently speaks to how unique helping, fixing, and serving really are.
“Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person, I perceive them as broken, and their brokenness requires me to act. The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think that I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego and service the work of the soul. These things may look similar if you’re watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different too.”
~ Rachel Naomi Remen
My personal experience
I know that at times my actions are not inspired by selfless service. The desires of my ego sometimes motivate my actions. For instance, in my delusions of omnipotence I think I know what someone else needs or what will make their situation better. When I come from these underlying beliefs, I see an unequal relationship–I am powerful, the other person is disempowered. Such judgment is neither good for me and the person I’m seeking to work with, nor is it effective as they don’t gain a true sense of their own power and I overestimate my own.
So, I do my best to keep Remen’s words in mind, both as a coach and as a person, reminding myself that my highest intention is to serve. I intend to be a partner with others, walking side by side, offering my gifts in a natural way, seeking to play my part in creating a journey that uplifts us both and enables us to grow in whatever ways we were meant to grow. When I am guided by service, the results–for me, the other person, and even the wider world–astound and humble me.
Reality check: Are you generally helping, fixing, or serving? What happens when you focus on being of service?
What’s beautiful in your world today?
One of the great assets of modern humanity is our ability to see problems where they exist because in order to improve things we must be able to identify what does not work. However, one weakness of this habit is that many people are so “problem focused” that they miss seeing what’s already working.
Our state of mind is created by (or at least strongly influenced by) where we put our attention. So, while there are things in our world to improve or change, practice focusing on what’s already wonderful.
Energy flows where attention goes.
~ James Arthur Ray
Today (and for as many days as you want to continue this practice), I invite you to put your attention on the “beautiful” parts of your life and our world . . .
- what works well,
- what functions smoothly,
- what energizes you,
- what satisfies your soul,
- what makes your breath catch in your throat,
- what makes you laugh,
- what brings tears of gratitude to your eyes.
If you are so moved, please share the beauty you see in your world today.
Accomplish your biggest dreams. . .starting now
I have an irrepressible desire to live till I can be assured that the world is a little better for my having lived in it.
~Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. president
What’s the song that plays in your heart that you’re afraid to sing out loud?
What dreams from your youth tug at the sleeve of your soul?
What visions dance in your mind until you remember you’re
too busy, too old, or too settled to pursue them?
We all have contributions to make to our world. In large and small ways, we are here to share our gifts. Many of us, however, substitute trivial ambitions for meaningful desires, not because we don’t have passion, but because we listen to that little voice in our heads that says we’re not “enough” to give ourselves to following such calls.
Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us that we are nothing but acorns and that our greatest happiness will be to become bigger, fatter, shinier acorns; but that is of interest only to pigs. Our faith gives us knowledge of something better: that we can become oak trees.
~E.F. Schumacher
The world needs your biggest game!
I believe we’re at a crucial time when it’s no longer enough to sit on the sidelines, play the small parts, or delay the pursuit of our dreams until everything is “just right.” Right now, all the forces of the universe are waiting for you to stand up and give the best you can offer. There is no better time–in fact, there is no other moment than this present instant, to commit yourself to giving all that you’ve got. This may be your last opportunity. . .start making your visions into reality, take your dreams out of the closet, and let loose that song in your heart.
Always remember this. . .
- Though you may still doubt yourself from time to time. . .
- Though you may occasionally feel discouraged, confused, or disillusioned. . .
- Though you may sometimes believe you’re all alone. . .
There is someone/thing that remains in constant connection with you, knowing your true heart, your deepest dreams, and your greatest gifts. This spirit has a message for you. A message for you to remember for all those times when you lose hope that your biggest dreams can come true. This spirit gives voice through the gifts of Nick Arandes, and his song (or spirit’s song with Nick’s voice), I Believe In You (listen/watch below).
Thank you Nick, for this powerful, evocative reminder that there is always faith in us, even when we’ve forgotten to have that faith in ourselves.
Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy five and yet not ever truly to have lived.
~Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
