When what you know won’t help — the problem with omniscience in relationships
Has your omniscience ever gotten in the way of one of your relationships? I can almost guarantee that it has even if you don’t think so. I’m certain of this because all of us have a God-complex where we “know how things should be.” We don’t know this, of course. At best we know how we want things to be. It’s this all-knowingness that can create barriers in our relationships, walling us off from the people with whom we’re trying to connect.
I was reminded of this concept when I read Pyrrhic Victories, by Jan Matney, in which she wrote, “We begin our conversations with others, having predetermined the relationship, projecting onto 
them what we know to be true. ‘I know’ is an immediate disconnection from others. Not knowing, being curious and open is a state of being that is both humble and alive with possibility.” Her story reawakened me to the fact that sometimes I too, unintentionally create a disconnection from others when I forget that I don’t know. So now I’m doing my best to remember that I do not know what others think, believe, feel, want, or need unless they tell me.
Steps to build relationships from a place of not knowing
- Remind yourself that you do not know what others think, believe, feel, want, or need unless they tell you
- Be open to learning what you don’t know and show your curiosity
- Ask others what they think, believe, feel, want, or need (Or verify what you think they think, believe, feel, want, or need)
- Be willing to share what you think, believe, feel, want, or need because others are no more omniscient than you
“‘I know’ is an immediate disconnection from others. Not knowing, being curious and open is a state of being that is both humble and alive with possibility.”
~ Jan Matney
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