Your attitude determines your results
Most people seem to think that their problems are someone else’s fault and that creating the life they want for themselves is dependent on other people (or other situations) being different than they are. Such thinking is simply wrong, false, faulty, and disempowering. What we experience in our life is of our own creation. Even when other people are involved, what is created could not come into existence without our involvement.
As a coach, I have the privilege of helping my clients turn around situations they dislike, improve relationships that have weighed them down, and make changes to enhance their lives in numerous ways. One of the first places I start with nearly all of my clients is their mindset, attitude, or outlook. Most people are unaware of the power of their thoughts and the way they talk about the world around them. Somehow, even in this modern day and age, many seem surprised to learn that the results they get in life start out as thoughts, beliefs, and ideas we hold in our mind.
When my clients start using their mental capacity in a more conscious, intentional way, there are miraculous changes that begin taking place (dramatic increases in financial wealth; significant decreases in stress, worry, and physical woes; greater happiness and deeper connections with loved ones; strengthened self-esteem and self-confidence; the list goes on).
Three simple ways to coach yourself to greatness in life
- Observe your thoughts. Listen to your words. Pay attention to your reactions to events and people around you.
- Replace ANY thought, word, or attitude that weighs you down with a thought, word, or attitude that frees you up.
- Tell the truth, yet do so in a way that inspires you (and those around you).
It’s as simple as that to plant the seeds of success. When you change what you plant–your thoughts, beliefs, and attitude–what you grow changes too.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.
~ Buddha
What has happened for you when you’ve shifted your mindset or altered your attitude?
Things we do for love
“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”
~ Henry Drummond
This post is about love, not between two romantic lovers but between a mother and daughter—my mother and me. (I published it on I Do! I Do! on July 14, yet wanted to share it with readers of the Lavender Log too.)
When my mom was struggling with breast cancer, her doctors implanted a device in her upper chest where some of her drugs could be injected after the veins in her arms and hands had became too difficult and painful to access. Unfortunately the area became infected and the device had to be removed, which left an open wound. To heal, the wound required a thorough daily cleaning. I asked the home health nurse to show me how to care for the wound so I could help my mom restore health to at least that one thing.Love compelled me to do that. Love willed me through my fear, past my sadness, and into my compassion. Love guided me to face my pain to help soothe my mom’s. Love didn’t necessarily make that task any easier, but it did allow me to take the first step.Love also helped me do other things that I had never conceived of:
- Rushing across the Dallas metroplex between my double shifts as a waitress to be with my mom during her multiple stays in the hospital in the first couple of months after her diagnosis;
- Bathing my mom and changing her diapers when her cancer progressed so much that she could no longer care for herself or even leave the hospital bed we had at home;
- Holding her unresponsive hands and caressing her motionless face while I laid alongside her dead body in the Dallas hospital where she spent her last days;
- Reading a poem I’d written about her at her memorial service in front of hundreds of family, friends, and others who loved her.
Had love not possessed me during her illness and death, I could have never done such delicate, difficult, and sometimes seemingly ineffective tasks.
Of course, love had gotten my mom through trials and suffering too, as is the case for all parents. Whether she was worried sick when I got Chicken Pox at the age of four, or exasperated when I threw the tantrum to end all tantrums, I’m sure love guided her. When I did things she didn’t understand or condone, love may have helped her come closer instead of pulling away. Love, I’m certain, had to be accessed regularly once I reached my teen years when so often kids and parents lock horns or build walls between each other. Love may have even given her the courage to be so vulnerable to me during her last six months of life.
“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.”
~ Mother Teresa
July 2 was the 14th anniversary of my mom’s death. July 14 is her birthday. It’s been so long that I don’t really remember her voice, and though I don’t consciously think about her everyday, love helps me stay connected. Through memory of our shared life experience, I get to be with my mom in spirit. As those of you who’ve lost someone you deeply love know, there are times when you miss that person so much that you weep uncontrollably, overcome by your loss and filled with hopelessness. Writing this piece is opening me up to that pain anew. But love helps me ride those waves of despair and emerge whole, despite my scars.
Thank God that love does all it does for us. It’s the superhuman gift we’ve each been given — a superpower possessed by all mortals. Without love I’m quite certain that there would be no point to life, no reason to exist at all. So while loving someone with all your heart makes you extremely vulnerable, love will also mend the heart’s wounds, leaving you both more tender and more tough in the process. May each and every one of you do scary, difficult, gentle, powerful, and important things for love. And may your beloveds do likewise for you. Your lives will never be the same. . .and that’s a wonderful thing.
For all of my beloveds, especially today for my mom, born Cora Sue Boehm, on July 14, 1943.
Bye, bye busy — find more time for what matters
“There’s this perception that if you worry a lot and if you look really busy and stressed out then you’ll be more successful. You talk about how little sleep you get and how tensed you are and how you’re not getting the appreciation you deserve and how hard you’re working. You think this is somehow feeding into your success and your career, and that’s just not true. Any success that you have in your career is despite your being all bothered and annoyed and stressed out - not because of it.”
~ Nancy Mayer
Busyness is a common ailment of many of my clients (and friends and family and even something that afflicts me from time to time). In fact, many people experience busyness as a chronic condition. This busyness in turn contributes to other dis-eases:
- stress
- lack of self-awareness
- disconnection from what is personally meaningful
- less than optimal relationships
- poor physical health
How to make time for what matters most to you
If you’re truly ready to give up the frantic rush and create a life where you have more “free” time, you must determine why you like being busy. Yes, you’re busy because you like it, no matter what you say to the contrary. If you weren’t getting some payoff from the busyness, you wouldn’t choose to be busy. So the first step in becoming less busy is to identify why you’re busy now–in other words, find the source(s) of your busyness.
Below are ten common reasons people are living busy lives (personalized so you can read them and see if they ring true for you). Look through the list and identify the top 2-3 sources of your hurry scurry life. Then, start taking steps to eliminate those busyness-inducing-factors from your life (If you need help, consider hiring me as your coach.)
- I have difficulty saying no.
- I have good reasons for not delegating or sharing certain tasks.
- I procrastinate.
- I take on a lot of responsibility.
- I easily get distracted from the task at hand.
- I’m avoiding something/someone by keeping busy.
- I tend to underestimate how much time or effort a project might need.
- I really do function best under pressure.
- I’m an idea person/creative-type/entrepreneur.
- I lack structure or organization.
“I think God’s going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.”
~ Steven Wright
What’s the number one reason that you’re so busy? Are you ready to start pursuing a less busy life?
It’s time to move off the fence
“I must do something” always solves more problems than “Something must be done.”
~ Author Unknown
Overwhelm. Powerlessness. Fear. Confusion. Busyness. What’s the excuse you give most often for sitting on the fence of life, waiting for things to change? ALL of us do it. Though our hearts call us to act, we restrain ourselves, then tell stories to justify our inaction.
There are two primary problems with doing our lives this way.
- The cries for help go unanswered. Situations get worse (Rwanda, Bosnia, Darfur) or things are destroyed all together (New Orleans, animal species, West Virginia mountain tops).
- We lose our souls. Our lives lose meaning because we’re not doing what we know in our hearts to be the right things to do.
Are there potentially millions of causes that need our attention? YES!
Is it easy to sometimes thing we’re too insignificant to change the tide? YES!
Does it seem that we might lose convenience or comfort if we work for peace/justice/transformation? YES!
Do we sometimes receive contradictory messages or lose our way? YES!
Are we sometimes too preoccupied with our individual issues to notice what’s happening around us? YES!
Do any of these reasons mean that sitting on the fence is where we should be? Hell NO!
I urge each and every one of you to notice the fence you’re currently sitting on, and GET OFF! Start with that one action of choosing to fence-sit no longer. Then take the next action — writing a letter, getting the facts about an issue you care about, joining a group working for change. One step at a time away from the fence and toward a better future for us all!
Enjoy this song from Madonna, “Hey You!” It’s the theme for the Live Earth Concerts taking place on every continent today, 07/07/07. It’s an anthem for living your life OFF the fence — there’s a million reasons why, and there’s no time to waste.
Celebrate Independence Day with More Personal Freedom
“Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash.”
~ Harriet Rubin
As we celebrate Independence Day in the United States (July 4), we talk much about our freedoms and the colonists who fought to secure our liberty over 200 years ago. While we are blessed to live in a country without much constraint or imposition on our personal freedom, I believe, nonetheless that many Americans (and many of our brothers and sisters living elsewhere) are less free than they can be.
What is freedom?
For many people, freedom is something they yearn for, expect, and champion as a basic human right. Yet frequently, people abdicate their own power and wait for outside forces or other people to free them. In my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I devote an entire chapter–”Experience More Personal Freedom”–to the subject of how to free oneself and live in a liberated, joyful, powerful way. Last year, I wrote a blog post using material from this chapter.
Experience More Personal Freedom
- Freedom is when we make conscious choices rather than running on autopilot.
- Freedom is being fully responsible for all our choices and the victim of no one and nothing.
- Freedom is choosing our mindset as much as our actions.
- Freedom is being attached to nothing (no result, no person) even though we might fully hope to have/achieve that thing.
As I wrote in Live the Life You’ve Imagined, freedom is our choice, our individual decision. People in deplorable and inhumane situations have shown us this. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, psychotherapist, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, and Nelson Mandela, South African civil rights leader, former president and Nobel Peace Prize recipient, both demonstrated this fact when they chose to be spiritually and mentally liberated despite being physically imprisoned (Frankl in Nazi concentration camps and Mandela in apartheid-era South African prisons).
“Deciding to focus on our own freedom isn’t selfish; it is the greatest gift we can give to humanity.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Whether or not July 4 is officially “independence day” for you or not, I urge you to take a stand for your personal freedom on that day. Then continue your choice to be free every day thereafter.
If you’d like to share stories of your own liberations or challenges with choosing to be free, please drop a comment in below.
