What does it take to be a moral leader?
Can you imagine being part of a community that experienced a shocking tragedy? Can you fathom the emotions you would feel knowing that one person was the perpetrator of the events? Now, can you see yourself including this person in a memorial to the victims of the violence?
At Virginia Tech, one courageous student took this rare step of honoring the gunman who killed 32 others at the school before committing suicide. Katelynn Johnson, a senior sociology-psychology major, added a stone to represent the gunman in a memorial for those who died during the April 16 rampage.
My family did not raise me to do what is popular. They raised me to do what is morally right.
~ Katelynn Johnson
As reported by the Associated Press, Johnson wrote a letter to the Collegiate Times as the person who placed a stone in the memorial for Cho (the gunman). She wrote, “My family did not raise me to do what is popular. They raised me to do what is morally right. We did not lose only 32 students and faculty members that day; we lost 33 lives.”
Cowardice asks the question—is it safe? Expediency asks the question—is it politic? Vanity asks the question—is it popular? But conscience asks the question—is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right.
~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I’m grateful to Ms. Johnson for standing apart from others who took the popular and safe paths. Though I cannot grasp what could have led Cho to do what he did, my soul knows that he too suffered. I believe that when we choose to omit the perpetrators of violence from our prayers we lose part of our humanity. We all commit acts of violence in our lives–whether in harshly uttered words, righteous judgments, tightly-held resentments, or withdrawal of our love and support. While I know many would argue with me that these “minor” acts have no comparison to outright murder and physical violence, I disagree. There may be differing levels, yet an unloving act is an unloving act, no matter its size or scope.
For us to create a different world than that which we’ve brought into being today, we must forgo the popular and the safe route. We must believe, speak, and act out of love. . . no matter how irrational that love may seem. We must have the courage to be moral leaders, like Ms. Johnson chose to do. We must choose to follow our better nature, that part of ourselves that knows that no matter what it may look like on the surface, we are one. We must see that even in our pain, our judgment, our confusion, or our fear, we can choose a higher road. For it is this road of love, courage, compassion, and truth that will lead us to a new tomorrow, toward a peaceful, mutually-beneficial co-existence that we’ve been yearning for since we came into this world.
How to tame your inner critic
How many of you are critical of yourself? How many of you would like to treat yourself with more compassion? How many of you think your inner critic doesn’t truly serve you?
As a recovering perfectionist, I know about judging myself harshly. Having worked with hundreds of clients over the past seven years, I also know that self-criticism is one of the most universal challenges. Regardless of the larger reasons that my clients chose to work with me (career transition, improving relationships, gaining confidence, etc.), I showed almost all of them how to create phenomenal results with less stress and struggle.
“You were given a right foot and a left foot, not a right foot and a wrong foot.”
~ Buckminster Fuller
In my private coaching and workshops, I teach specific ways to tame your inner critic and transform her/him from being your master to serving you as you choose. So you can begin to disable your self-critic system, however, I offer you the following suggestions.
- Choose to love yourself unconditionally, always, in all ways.
- Replace “right” and “wrong” with a less omniscient viewpoint like “what’s working” and “what’s not working.”
- Be your own best lover rather than expecting other people to fill up your emotional fuel tank.
- Don’t take anything personally (i.e., other’s judgments about you).
- Refuse to speak about or to yourself in any derogatory, unloving, or dishonoring way.
- Surround yourself only with those who love and honor you.
There’s no law that demands you stop being critical about yourself. However, if you want to live a full life, succeed wildly, and have an awesome time in the process, taming this inner voice of judgment is a non-negotiable action.
Inspiring love quotes
We can choose to make our love for each other what our lives are really about.
Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to evolve you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.
In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love.
Regardless of the question, love is the answer.
The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
There is nothing in the world that people so much thrive upon, grow fine and rosy and robust upon. . .as being loved.
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
One does not fall into love; one grows into love, and love grows in him.
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
These are quotes about love that I find particularly compelling. What’s your favorite quote about love?
Stretch beyond your perceived limits
What can you learn from a rock, a tree, and a tarp? If you’re climbing the face of rock wall, walking across the bark-bare-tree hanging like a tightrope high above the ground, or sleeping under the tarp for the first time alone, outside in the winter, you can learn a great deal. . .or let me say more truthfully, I learned much.
Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.
~ Og Mandino
In March I took part in a 4 day expedition put on by the North Carolina Outward Bound Professional program. Along with 7 others, including our fantastic facilitators Bob and CJ, I backpacked in the Pisgah National Forest, played team-building games that stretched my mind, and went through physical challenges that worked both body and soul. It was a marvelous experience that I’m not sure can be equaled in any other kind of educational environment. I returned home feeling more powerful, confident, capable, engaged, and alive. Communing with nature, breaking my routine, and going beyond what I knew I could do grew me in ways I’m still discovering.
If you’re feeling quite comfortable in your life or conversely, extremely uncomfortable with the life you’re living, I urge you to consider taking a trip with Outward Bound. As Kurt Hahn, the founder of the organization once wrote, “There is more to us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps, for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less.”
Do I look good in hazard yellow rainpants in the Appalachian Mountains or what? (Don’t write “Or what” please.) 
Judging others is a time waster
Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others.
~ Author UnknownIf you judge people, you have no time to love them.
~ Mother Teresa
While I certainly believe that it’s fine to express our opinions (like I’m doing right now), I also believe that judging others or complaining about how they “should be” is futile since we have no control over others. Such judging also wears at our soul in the long run and before we know it, our constant complaining will attract more garbage to us than Oscar the Grouch ever dreamed of.
So, call this a friendly Friday reminder that our wisest course of action, and most effective use of energy is to focus on being the best we can be and allow others that same privilege.
Here’s your chance to give your opinion. What do you think? Does judging others serve a useful purpose?
Love is my drug of choice
Looking for a fix? Need something to get you “high” or help you lose the blues? Rather than heading to the pharmacist, java joint, liquor cabinet, or TV, I hope you’ll try one of my favorite stimulants–L O V E.
Here’s the lowdown on Love.
- It’s free.
- It’s painless (in fact it relieves pain).
- It’s totally legal.
- It has no harmful side effects whatsoever.
- It works whether you’re taking it or giving it.
- It has zero calories even though it can fill you up.
- It has been tested on animals, but they absolutely thrive on love.
- It’s environmentally-friendly, recyclable, reusable.
- It’s available 24-7, 365 and can be found everywhere, in everyone (It’s even in you right now.).
- It requires no prescription.
- It can be taken in unlimited quantities.
- You never develop a tolerance for it so it works every time.
Could there be a better substance to put in your daily diet? Trust me on this one, you can’t go wrong with love. Now get ready to let in some more love with this wonderful video and song. Remember, if you think you’re OD-ing on love, just share it and you’ll be fine (better than fine, really)!
Check out this video from my friend and fellow love addict, Shawn Gallaway. It features his evocative song, I choose love, from his album of the same name. Listen to other songs from the album or buy it so you can listen to all the great tunes. Click the play triangle at the bottom left-corner of the video to watch/listen.
Love will enter immediately into any mind that truly wants it, but it must want it truly. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
~ A Course in Miracles
Love rules!
