You should expect more
I’m not normally a fan of expectations. 
I believe they generally get in the way of us loving ourselves (”I should weigh less, have more money, have achieved more…” are some personal expectations), loving others (”If he loved me he would never raise his voice, always meet my needs, respect my choices…” are examples of expectations we have of others), and enjoying life (”Life is hard. No one else will look out for me. War is inevitable. These are expectations about life). They chain us to results that we “must” accomplish because our sense of worth is controlled by whether we succeed or fail in reaching our expected destination.
However, today I’m taking a different stand. Expectations are good AND we benefit by living up to them!* 
Now before you call me a flip-flopper, let me clarify by way of illustration.
For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been participating in a racial awareness program called Building Bridges. We begin each week’s session in a large group, listening to a presentation or watching a film about racial issues. Then we break up into small discussion groups (12-14 people).
Tonight as I was returning home the idea struck me that blacks expect more of our country (the US) than we whites (generally speaking of course). In this case I think blacks are expressing an *aspirational expectation –a desire to see a certain result–rather than an expectation of demand –an unwavering belief that the result must occur. This aspirational expectation is healthy and productive because it’s inviting our nation to be more than we might if the expectation didn’t exist. It’s as if the blacks are saying, “I believe in you USA. I see your potential. I know you can live up to your ideals. I’m here to help you be the best country you can.” They want to see this nation evolve and their expectation is calling us all to step up to the opportunity and see what we can do.
So, here’s my call to you to get more from yourself without tying your self-worth to the results you accomplish.
- Take a look at your life and the expectations you have (of yourself, others, your employer, your country, etc.).
- Classify your expectations as either aspirational or demanding.
- Take action to shift each demanding expectation to an aspirational one.
| Aspirational expectation — A strong desire to draw out the best capabilities within oneself or another. A belief in the possibility of greatness. We’re inspired to live up to it and when we fall short we seek our lessons so we can make another attempt. |
| Demanding expectation — An emphatic requirement to be or do specific things. Any result “less than” the expectation is viewed as failure and we often translate this into reduced worth (of self or other). These expectations weigh heavy on us as we often drive ourselves to meet them. |
Are you willing to play? I’d like to know your experience, your questions, and your own ideas on this subject.
Agreement or disagreement is fine, so jump into the conversation.
Sincerely,
Shonnie “Fan of aspirational expectations” Lavender
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