Change Your Language, Change Your Life (part 2)
On June 27, I published the first part of my list of tips for using your language to increase your confidence and radically improve your life. Suggestions #4-6 are:
- Replace “can” with “will”
- Omit negative self-talk
- Silence the critic
Read on for specific details about each tip.
Replace “can” with “will.”
While “can” and “could” are appropriate to use when considering your options (e.g., “I could go to a movie or visit my friend”), they are weak choices once you’ve reached a decision. Show your commitment—to yourself, others, life—by firmly stating your intention with “will” (e.g., “I will join you for lunch”). Will is not a “have to” or “should,” and you can change your mind. When you are clear on your choice, using “will” as your declaration lets others know your intention. Most importantly you put in place a solid commitment for yourself.
Omit negative self-talk.
Breaking this habit is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Whether you notice it or not, it’s likely that you perpetuate lies about yourself because they exist in your mind ready for playback at any moment. For instance, a man trips on something and the thought “I’m clumsy” springs lightning-quick into his consciousness. Or he bounces a check and thinks, “What a dummy, you can’t keep track of your money.” Or he shrugs off a compliment, with the thought, “Oh, I didn’t really do much.” These are all examples of ways he sabotages himself, and ultimately creates struggle and suffering in his life. If you want to be the best you possible, stop making up and continuing to believe all lies about yourself. To reduce or eliminate the effects of this negative self-talk habit, install a new “tape” of what is true about you. Whenever a personal lie pops into your mind, say to yourself, “That is not true. I am not clumsy” (or whatever your accusation is). Then replace the lie with the truth: “I am graceful” or “I move easily.” Make the choice today to evict all negative self-talk from your mind and replace it with a new tenant—the truth about yourself.
Silence the critic.
A partner of the negative self-talk in our consciousness is the critic. Our critical mind offers up approval and disapproval for ourselves and others, rarely leaving space for second opinions, alternative views, or extenuating circumstances. Frequently, our mind judges like our lungs breathe—automatically—and we deem ourselves and those around us wrong for thoughts, beliefs, words, and actions that don’t meet our approval. These condemnations often leave us feeling separated from others who are either “not like us,” “beneath us,” or “better than us.” Accepting these judgments as fact leads us to a seesaw existence of one up and one down. Take yourself off this ride by noticing when you’re in judgment (of yourself or others) and then choosing a course of action based on the facts instead of your inner critic’s biased viewpoints.
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