Change Your Language, Change Your Life (part 1)
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: “Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.” When asked which dog wins he reflected and then replied, “The one I feed the most.”~ Unknown
One of the worst things we sometimes do to ourselves is open our mouths. While that may sound harsh, I can tell you from my work that our words can make our lives more difficult than they really are. In chapter nine of my book, Live the Life You’ve Imagined, I write about how we can make changes in our language to power up our life and remove barriers to our success. For clients who’ve adopted these new language habits, the results have been phenomenal—increased income, easier weight loss, more joy in their work, more free time, happier relationships. Does any of that sound like the results you want to create in your life?
Read on for the first three specific ways you can “change your language to change your life.”
Drop “should.”
“Should” is like a psychological choke chain (as are the related words “ought to,” “have to,” “must”). Frequently, the only purpose it serves is to punish, belittle, or deter us. When we say, “I should eat less junk food,” we’re setting ourselves up for a guilt trip. Using “should” after the fact—“I shouldn’t have bounced that check”—we take ourselves down a notch and reinforce negative beliefs such as, “I’m not good with money.” Eliminate “should” (“ought to,” “have to,” and “must”) from your vocabulary, and see if you begin to experience more self-confidence and higher self-esteem.
Stop “trying.”
Trying cannot actually be physically accomplished. Case in point: try to open your mouth (close it first if it’s open). If your mouth stayed shut, you didn’t open it, right? If it opened even the slightest amount, you did open it. So while you could contort yourself, fight against opening wide, or open your mouth without resisting, you had only two possible outcomes—shut mouth or open mouth. The same applies when you speak. If you’re asked, for instance, whether or not you’ll have a project completed by the close of the workday, make a definitive answer. You can choose “yes,” “no,” or renegotiate for another time that will work for you. Don’t fall into the “I’ll try to get it done by five” trap. If you choose to say “yes” to the project, you can work diligently towards its completion and carry out your commitment. If you instead decide that no, you won’t work on the project now, you can move on to other activities without distraction. When your intention is clear (to yourself and others), you free up your energy to handle whatever task is at hand.
Just say “yes” or “no.”
We are the ones who create the life we’re living through our thoughts, words, and deeds. And this life is ours to live as we choose. So notice if being a “yes” man or “no” woman is helping you create the life you want. If you say “yes” to please others, because you think you “have to,” or because you make up horror stories of what will happen if you say “no,” you’re giving up the power you have to live your life in a way that fits for you. On the other hand, if “no” is your automatic response, you’re shutting yourself off from possibilities life offers. Bottom line, whether you say “yes” or “no,” choose the word that demonstrates what you really want in that given situation. And remember: Your life depends on it.
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[…] On June 27, I published the first part of my list of tips for using your language to increase your confidence and radically improve your life. Suggestions #4-6 are: […]
Pingback by Lavender Log: Thoughts on Living an Inspired Life » Change Your Language, Change Your Life (part 2) — July 13, 2006 @ 7:33 pm
[…] To read through tips #1-6 (which includes Stop “trying.” Replace “can” with “will.” Silence the critic. Drop should.) visit these posts — part 1 and part 2. […]
Pingback by Lavender Log: Thoughts on Living an Inspired Life » Change Your Language, Change Your Life (part 3) — July 17, 2006 @ 10:40 pm